( his focus on her sharpens, like the twist of fire in the air in the moment before it becomes a blade. mako knows all about self-recrimination. he knows, rationally, that he was a child when his parents were killed. that he'd been firebending for only a little while, and that he was no match for a hardened criminal. but there is still a part of him that thinks he should have tried.
so yeah, he knows what it looks like, to have something awful happen to you and think that maybe you deserve it because of what has come before. every fight he got in, every time he went hungry, even.
he looks down at his arm, tucked into the sling. firebending all aside, he hasn't even been able to move pebbles with a twitch of his fingers — even trying was agony. it's possible that the chi is permanently blocked. even that, there's a ghost of a whisper at the back of his mind about how it's all warranted.
but what's acceptable in him is... abhorrent in korra. it's not growth, it's guilt. it's a justification for all the evils that other people have laid down at her feet, i guess it's good i learned about myself as a result of all this pain. and then, to have her just. talk so easily about her own death. he doesn't care that it's a cycle. that it's been a cycle, ten thousand years back into an ancient world. something in him breaks at her pain, and it's not like a bone you can set, it's just. there to hurt. )
Korra. ( his mouth twists in frustration, because he already knows he isn't going to articulate his thoughts properly. ) You were always a good person. A good Avatar. I believed part of that was because you didn't accept the world as it was. You were always looking for ways to make it better, make it brighter. You didn't need. ( there is a very slight, almost imperceptible tremor in his voice. all those times he almost lost her. all those times he could do nothing but stand by while she fought some battle alone. all those times she woke up beside him in a cold sweat, terrified and suffering. )Pain to teach you that. Growth doesn't have to come from being broken. And you haven't deserved any of the awful things that've happened to hurt you.
( he brushes her cheek with his knuckles, a gentle, tender thing. there's no intent behind it, it's not a prelude to a kiss like it might have been once. it's just. human contact. )
Even the stuff I did, when I was — well, you know, kind of an idiot. Pain isn't a good teacher. It just makes you hurt.
( when he learned how to manipulate lightning from zolt, the gangster wasn't gentle. he would often use more than mako could handle, and then laugh when he faltered. toughen up, kid. you'll thank me one day. mako's still angry about the time that zolt almost killed him, not because of the risk to his life but because bolin had to watch waterbenders working on him, and that's not an easy thing for a kid who has nothing else left in the world.
so yeah. true. the pain taught him. lightning didn't save zolt, but it saved him in the fight against amon. but what zolt did. it was still cruel. mako has enough self-awareness now to realize just how much. he didn't need the pain. he would've learned lightning without it. and maybe he'd have been. gentler, somehow, to have done it a better way. it's the same with korra. and he's not going to listen to her telling herself it was a necessary thing, to suffer so much so that she could have a moment of enlightened self-discovery. )
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so yeah, he knows what it looks like, to have something awful happen to you and think that maybe you deserve it because of what has come before. every fight he got in, every time he went hungry, even.
he looks down at his arm, tucked into the sling. firebending all aside, he hasn't even been able to move pebbles with a twitch of his fingers — even trying was agony. it's possible that the chi is permanently blocked. even that, there's a ghost of a whisper at the back of his mind about how it's all warranted.
but what's acceptable in him is... abhorrent in korra. it's not growth, it's guilt. it's a justification for all the evils that other people have laid down at her feet, i guess it's good i learned about myself as a result of all this pain. and then, to have her just. talk so easily about her own death. he doesn't care that it's a cycle. that it's been a cycle, ten thousand years back into an ancient world. something in him breaks at her pain, and it's not like a bone you can set, it's just. there to hurt. )
Korra. ( his mouth twists in frustration, because he already knows he isn't going to articulate his thoughts properly. ) You were always a good person. A good Avatar. I believed part of that was because you didn't accept the world as it was. You were always looking for ways to make it better, make it brighter. You didn't need. ( there is a very slight, almost imperceptible tremor in his voice. all those times he almost lost her. all those times he could do nothing but stand by while she fought some battle alone. all those times she woke up beside him in a cold sweat, terrified and suffering. ) Pain to teach you that. Growth doesn't have to come from being broken. And you haven't deserved any of the awful things that've happened to hurt you.
( he brushes her cheek with his knuckles, a gentle, tender thing. there's no intent behind it, it's not a prelude to a kiss like it might have been once. it's just. human contact. )
Even the stuff I did, when I was — well, you know, kind of an idiot. Pain isn't a good teacher. It just makes you hurt.
( when he learned how to manipulate lightning from zolt, the gangster wasn't gentle. he would often use more than mako could handle, and then laugh when he faltered. toughen up, kid. you'll thank me one day. mako's still angry about the time that zolt almost killed him, not because of the risk to his life but because bolin had to watch waterbenders working on him, and that's not an easy thing for a kid who has nothing else left in the world.
so yeah. true. the pain taught him. lightning didn't save zolt, but it saved him in the fight against amon. but what zolt did. it was still cruel. mako has enough self-awareness now to realize just how much. he didn't need the pain. he would've learned lightning without it. and maybe he'd have been. gentler, somehow, to have done it a better way. it's the same with korra. and he's not going to listen to her telling herself it was a necessary thing, to suffer so much so that she could have a moment of enlightened self-discovery. )